Mr. Gitler

Mr. Gitler (Uncle Dan)

Terry Kelleher - 1996

The shipping trade was prosperous when first I went to sail.
But hard times on Wall Street made many shippers fail.
To cut our costs they trimmed the crew, now more work for us all.
The ship's doctor got the hatchet and its me that got the call.

/ A - D A / E - D A / A - D A / - - E A /

Mr. Gitler do your duty, for the captain says you must.
We all must pull together, to keep the firm from bust.
Though a purser you have been and a purser you remain,
the ship now needs a medic, and for that job you'll train.

/ A - D A / - - E - / A - D A / - - E A /

So now I have a locker, with medicine and such…
Strange devices for a purser, without a doctor's touch.
They gave lots of manuals and instructions I must read.
So I'll stay onboard to study while the crew enjoys their leave.

The flowers of the tropics are a lovely thing, and sweet.
And a sailor gone on shore leave may enjoy this pleasant treat.
But a sailor should be careful of the flowers that he smells.
Ere he finds on his returning he's brought back a sent as well.

Now sad sailor stay you steady, for I fear you need a shot.
For the flower you admire surely was a nasty lot.
With this needle I have practiced on oranges by the score.
And I'm sure a sailor's buttocks will be just like one orange more.

Well, it seems a seaman's stern is not like an orange's rind.
I've been pushing, I've been poking but no entry I can find.
I wiggle it and twist it round, his maximus to drill.
While this strong and hearty seaman yells and hoops and screams and shrills.

Mr. Gitler, Mr. Gitler, sure you've done you level best.
Though you've read your books and practiced, I now ask you give it rest.
I've learned my hard cruel lessons, how the flowers harm one's health.
Now please give me the needle and I'll do the job myself.

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